Well it started off beautifully with Marc Blackford finding a hole to go under the posts making his own conversion a simple one. 7-0

The second try followed shortly after good pressure from Cryptians in attack. James King broke the line and found himself in a textbook 2-on-1 situation with the fullback. With Mike Simmonds on his shoulder it could surely lead to only one thing. However, Simmonds after receiving the ball decided not to go under the sticks but to make Blackford work for the extras and score to the side of the posts. Blackford rose to the challenge and slotted the extras. 14-0

James King then received the ball out wide and trundled over for the 3rd try of the game after a massive fend (see photos). Conversion missed. 19-0

Good kick-off returns and quick hands led to great counter attacks which continually took Cryptians deep into the Broad Plain half.

A well taken line-out and drive from the Cryptians pack gave the backs a great platform to play off. Straight from the training ground after recent success at Aretians, Blackford called for the winger to be brought into play. Good lines from both centres created a gap that an elderly lady in a people-carrier could have driven through. Gareth Flounders scored the 4th and bonus-point try for Cryptians! Blackford converted. 26-0

Broad Plain's best opportunity of the half came after a scrum in their own 22 when the fly-half countered and jacked back after noticing lazy line speed on the Old Cryptians blind side. The 10 sped past tighthead prop Mike Wildy and shipped the ball to the danger man on the wing who opted for a poor chip and chase that slammed into the brick wall chest of Ash Bawden and off into touch. We can confirm that this was a charge-down and not a dropped catch.

Time for Cryptians to introduce their very own danger man Gary ”1-2” McInnes, for the injured Mike Wildy, who had to come off after being left for dead by the Broad Plain 10. He later went to hospital but was turned away after being told they can't mend his broken pride.

Broad Plain were not done yet! After some penalties for offside in the Cryptians centres (I wonder who was to blame, Sam Blaney?), the opposition fly-half opted to kick for the far corner, making use of the wind and putting Cryptians down to their own 5-metre line. Fantastic kick. After being pinned down for 10 minutes, a great defensive play from Cryptians and a good boot from Blackford allowed the hosts to escape without conceding.

A couple of phases later the ball was shipped wide left and SHOCK, James 'The Wing' King was out there again. After beating his man he saw that the try line was a bit too far for his little legs to carry him, so decided to offload the ball to Rich Langbridge, who showed plenty of gas to speed over the line and dot down for the 5th and final try of the half. Blackford missed the conversion.

HALF TIME 31-0

With the second half underway, Cryptians’ main focus now was keeping Broad Plain in their own half and not conceding any points! A turnover at the breakdown led to a penalty which Blackford kicked into the Broad Plain 22. At this point the backs knew the ball wouldn't be coming out so a driving lineout was the call. A great lineout led to a drive for the line with none other than fresh-faced Aaron 'The Wrecking Ball' Ricketts at the back. As the drive began to split he spotted a hole and went for the line. However, confusion abounded as he crossed the line and charged at another defender to get closer to the posts! When questioned his reply was, and I quote "It's the first time I've touched the ball, I wanted to bump someone". Blackford slotted the conversion and made way for Rich Howell to put his stamp on the game. 38-0

there wasn’t long to wait for the next try of the game, for which credit goes to Rich Langbridge. In attempting to clear their lines Broad Plain didn't find touch but instead found Langbridge. He darted off across field (ignoring the 2 pass rule) and lofted a beautifully placed chip behind the Broad Plain winger. The ball was bouncing and the Rugby Gods must have put bets on Flounders to score again, as it bobbled right into his path and he dotted down uncontested again. Howell converted. 45-0

Good play saw Cryptians return to their opponents’ half. The quick ball was on down the blind side and, no surprise, a forward was in the 10 channel. Luckily it led to possibly the best try of the game. The windmilling sensation that is Mike 'Now You See Me' Simmonds threw the dummy of the decade which had the defence, attack, supporters, cameraman and even nearby wildlife, all looking the other way while he darted over for his 2nd of the game. Martyn Langbridge's twitter comment of 'Outrageous dummy' sums this try up perfectly. Howell converted. 52-0

The penalties started racking up from a rattled Broad Plain, so Cryptians decided to up the tempo! A quick tap-and-go from Rich Howell (ignoring player/coach James King) found Joshua Flounders whose greediness and sideways-running could have ruined the opportunity, but luckily he redeemed himself with a superb offload whilst in mid-air and crossing the touchline, to put his little brother in for his hat-trick try. Howell converted. 59-0

Joshua Flounders was forced to leave the field after a knock, so Blackford returned to the fray at outside centre.

Broad Plain had one last attack left in them which came late into the second half when their fly-half, who was possibly their best player, broke the line and shrugged off two Cryptians defenders (no names being mentioned, but one was playing 10 and the other 15), only to be brought down on the 5 metre line by a phenomenal covering tackle from none other than Gareth Flounders.

By now you’d think this guy would be tired? You thought wrong. His fitness levels match those of a German manufactured diesel engine because he just keeps going. In some circles he is even known as 'The Juggernaut' because once he builds up momentum, there is no stopping him.

There followed more great work from Cryptians, going back-to-basics and showing that quick, simple hands executed perfectly (this includes Ash) can lead to a try. The ball found Gareth 'The Finisher' Flounders out on the wing once more who fended off his opposite man to stretch for the line in spectacular fashion to claim his 4th and final try of the game. Blackford missed the conversion.

FULL TIME 64-0

Cryptians retained their unbeaten home record going into the new year and remain on top of the league, 2 points clear of Bredon Star who couldn't find a bonus point this weekend.

Special mentions:

Gareth Flounders for scoring 4 tries, doubling his season’s try tally in a single game and putting himself in the race for top try-scorer.
Rich Howell for his 100% kicking accuracy from the tee (don't give him too much credit though as after the last kick he lost the tee and owes the club a new one).
Jack Medcroft for once again supplying fantastic quick ball from the base of the scrum even though we were going backwards most of the time. Also a strong physical game from the little guy giving men everywhere hope that size really doesn't matter.
Jack Flounders for listening to the call from Howell not to spear tackle the winger and bring him down gently.
Gary McInnes for staying alive despite his age.

Finally a massive shout to club veteran Doug Perks who turns 80 this week! Happy Birthday!

Great performances from all. Stay frosty.

GARETH FLOUNDERS

Old Cryptians RFC

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